internal struggling
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another emo night...another random post
once again i have to beg all of u to excuse my non-sensical ramblings.. just need to get some of the unbearable load of my chest...
till now, my life seems like a undescrible puzzle still jumbled up and laying ard in miniscule pieces strewn across the floor. its undoing, or lack of effort to piece it together; the blame should all be pushed to me and me alone. I am the cost of my state now. and for sure, i'm a wreck... emotionally and physically.
daunted by a strangle illness, like a dark shadow cast over me the past week. I've been tormented by throbbing headaches tt come and go as they please. As i lay in bed, i feel my heart pounding through the sheets, every single beat revibrating thru my body. My head mimicking its thumping motion, shrieks and moans amplified to the max, till the point where it seems my brain is about to push through my skull. Every night is an experience of endless tossing and turning, restless nights...
emotionally, its just a void in this wreck of a body. I am irked by the thought tt i have reached the condition where nthing else matters. my heck care attitude and negligent point of view towards anything and everything, though suffering a slow and gradual developement over the months is now a bane. I am disgusted at myself... ashamed and disappointed. Taking a step back, i have realised tt i've nothing more than ___ now. in fact sometimes i feel as though i have nothing left to offer. I'm nothing more than just a useless bum strolling the streets. Empty in spirits and thoughts...
I need to get my life back on track. I know it'll be hard. At least i've got somebody to depend on. He's all tt i need. all it takes is just a baby step...
now i'm just telling myself its another hard night. Gotta suck it in.. slp it thru. Tomorrow will be a better day. crossing my fingers on this one.
I do hope i'll wake up tmr morning... morning seems so far away.
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