When will I learn to lay it down?

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· Posted by Sihan at
I have been a fool... to think tt I cld survive on my own. My journey had been perilious, riding the waves simulating my ever-changing emotional state. Having to deal with reality, with the pains of growing up... I had fallen many a times.. but each time God reaches out to me, I push him away. I was nothing but an emotional wreck. A perfect composure on the outside but inside, I was boiling from the turmoil and unrest that churned from the depths from my soul. I was weak, confused, lead astray by the evil insights of this world; and yet in denial that what I needed was his love, his care, his guidance. I have been a fool for much too long...will u Lord still take me back? To open me and break me like a flower in the rain?

Lay it down -- Jaci Velasquez

I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floorI know that
You know that my heart is achingI
’m running out of tears and my will is breaking
I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But You’re pulling me out and
I’m finally breathingIn the open air

Chorus
So I’m gonna lay it downI’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

Another HAZY sunday afternoon...

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· Posted by Sihan at
Hey... have nothing much to write about..So i'll just give u a dry review of my most boring wkend..

Ytd, I coincidentally came across my friend's amanda's webby. She designs and makes her own accessories for sale anyway. Found some pretty nifty and charming designs.. Was pretty blown away by the simple yet gorgeous items that I saw. I must say that this gurl certainly has a gift in this field, an eye for beauty. Haha. here are some pieces for ur viewing pleasure..


sweetheart










minicharm (which i have decided to order for myself!!!..pretty rite? charm earrings..now thats reallie something special u dun get everywhere...)





Autumn in Gold
I love the way all her pieces have an individual flair about them. Check them out at http://www.simplicite.i.am/
Yes and so the wkend dragged on..*yawn* getting bored just toking about it. Hehe. was bored out of my wits so i decided to take a long run..haha. Did 15km.. felt lyke reallie reallie good after tat! Hehe. There's just something about running that somehow makes me feel better. If I were sad or unhappy, I would go run. When I'm excited, I'll run. When i'm tired, a run would help to pump up my energy level. To feel the adrenaline going up to your head, the fatigue and the lactic gathering in ur muscles, the rhythm of steady breath, the pumping of my heart through my chest. Its invigorating and uplifting..just makes me feel so alive. Wonder what I would do if one day I were to be immobile..it wld be lyke the sky has fallen down...
Was doing more clearing up today and came across my old handwritten diary. Spent half of the afternoon reading through and trying to decipher wat i had written in it. I was amused at my childish thoughts and at the same time enthralled by how my sometimes 'innocent' thinking was reallie right even applied to situations occuring in my present life. I wish I could return to those times when nothing cld bring me down and I was young and energetic again. If only I could turn back the clock...
il est revenir..enfin..

Phobias? Who has them?

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· Posted by Sihan at
Wow..writing this entry and having a super long and nice conversation with Lin Sui. Was supposed to have tuition at 5pm but so happened tt my tuition kid, Celestin called to cancel tuition last minute because she's still having makeup classes in school. Oh well, so now i'm left stranded...

Yeh, so back to Lin Sui... I guess I'm reallie blessed...Somehow or another God is wonderful in the way he has everything planned out. Allowing me the chance to meet such a great friend at this point of my life which is shrouded by uncertainties, doubts and troubles. *Thank you God* And thank you for being there for me, talking me out of my mood swings and giving me such appropriate advice when I need it. I couldn't have found a better bestie! Hehe.

Okie..so I came across this article regarding the different types of phobias tt exist in this world and i was amazed yar. They have everything from the most common zoophobias, which are anxieties about animals to the outrageous Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money.( i mean..who has a phobia of MONEY?!?!.haha..) and check this out Barophobia which is the fear of gravity (kinda inconvenient if u're living on planet earth huh?) Yeh..It just goes to show..fear is incorporated into the lives of men..its an integrated way of life and serves as a defense mechanism for many. Helping us to avoid or run away from certain things or situations. Strange how men behaves sometimes... BUT I wouldn't deny that I myself do suffer from some of these phobias.. Here's a sample list of possible phobias tt i suffer from...
  1. Didaskaleinophobia - the fear of going to school ( argh..tt was lately..I have no idea why either)
  2. Brontophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Haha..was always terrified of thunder..I guess it got even worst after the lightning strike at Tahan)
  3. Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.(I'm reallie bad with decisions..u cld say I'm indecisive. And i ALWAYS happen to make the wrong decisions!!! oh somebody save me!!!)
  4. Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.(guess u didn't figure tt out huh? was reallie scared of the dark when I was a kid..haha)
  5. Testophobia- Fear of taking tests.(needless to explain rite?)
  6. Aquaphobia - Fear of water, specifically the morbid fear of drowning.(yikes..always had nightmares of myself drowning..almost drowned a couple of times..hate it.

Yeh tts about it. Its pretty interesting. Check it out at http://phobialist.com/

Wonder what would it be lyke if i suffered from Philematophobia- Fear of kissing.Haha..No kisses for you!!! Wahaha..

In the still of the night

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· Posted by Sihan at
I've have had enough of chemistry! Dear just called..ended off the call with a tiff again. Haha..life gets more interesting everyday..so I'm unreasonable lar?!?! is tt what u wan? FINE!!! Heh..just love throwing tantrums...*Phew*

Gonna have another long day tmr. Lab sessions? simply daunting. Kinda looking forward to meeting my new tution kid though. She stays in Bukit Batok near the interchange. Sounds great..but chemistry and physics? Beginning to have my doubts. Haha... Looked through the o level syllabus this afternoon and realised I've cleanly forgotten half of it. My goodness!!! lyke totally wiped out from my memory.. How scary is that? Just hope I"m able to handle her lar. Says she is a very evil girl lar, but oh well, I DUN BUY THAT! hehe. We'll see...

Just had a meeting in school for RAT race.. I'm reallie proud of the commitee for putting so much effort into the planning. I must say that this commitee very much outshines the previous year's pumpfest in terms of abilities and commitment levels. Its just a personal opinion though. I am very very impressed and proud to be part of it! CHEERS to RAT( race against time) and ATC!!! Yep. Hope all goes well and we get the sponserships and grants needed to carry on with the planning and the race. It would certainly be a major achievement to be able to part of the planning process of such a prestigious event. Hehe. (kinda sounds lyke im bullshitting rite?)

my gosh..think i'm beginning to sound lyke some idiot! That's wat i'm lyke when i'm slpy, in case u didn't know. Lyke a bit cranky..a bit insane. Hehe. Think I'll have to end it in case I go on rattling about mundane stuff and bore you to death. Tee hee..

Message of the Day: improvement begins with an "I"

Kk, I'll end off with a nice pic..hehe..

silly boi went off and got both of his ankles sprained...sigh..5 days more...

I wanna see the world...

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· Posted by Sihan at
visited 19 countries (8%)
http://douweosinga.com/projects/visitedcountries

Came across this in the afternoon... thought it was absolutely fabulous..Haha.
The red spots are the countries that you have been to before whilst the rest of the world untouched are left in gray...Quite cool. But a meagre 8%?!?! tts so PATHETIC!!! That's it! I've set my mind on travelling the world. Now I can plan my next trip to the unexplored places of this world...Hehe..sounds great doesn't it? Perhaps by the age of 50, I'll have the whole world map covered in Red.. WOW! Like the game Risk. Hehe. orite..Who wanna be my travel companion pls raise ur hand. Any takers??? Heh.

Lost without you

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· Posted by Sihan at
Artist: Delta Goodrem
Album: Innocent Eyes
Title: Lost Without You

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...
I'mlost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face

Intolerable Cruelty

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· Posted by Sihan at
Uncontrollable tears...

Painful silence over the phone...

A mad, raging, impatient tone...

On the other side, a heart aching from seperation, fondness and desire.

An exchange of short answers,

Mounting tensions.

Silence once again...

Harsh farewells bidded.

The cruel ringing of the dial tone...

My Room needs a Facelift!!!

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· Posted by Sihan at
Oh the mess..the dust!!! Its only when spring cleaning comes along then do we realise how much trash and nonsense we have accumulated in our homes. Recently, my room went through a paint job. So seemingly smart, i decided to make use of the opportunity to do up my room from scratch again since I was deprieved of that opportunity 10 yrs ago when we first moved in. I mean which little gurl has her room filled with heavy teak furniture?!?! Not mentioning the lack of colours and the solid wooden framed bed that I always end up knocking my head on whilst jumping onto the bed? *OUCH!!!* So instantly I thought that it would be my chance to show my creativity (or lack of it. haha)...

Bad decision though..there's just sooo much work to do!!! plus all the moving and all the throwing away of stuff..Strenous work for the usual lazy me. Haha.

check out the cool colours!!! And the orange square against the purple backing..All my idea!!!

My desk from IKEA which we built from scratch *PHEW*

A romantic and cozy hideout from the hustle and bustle of life

my little change alley

(check out the mirror with the clock; now got no reason to be late!!!)

*ahem*... so now..wat do ya think of my room? made it feel cozier by creating a feeling of closed up space by putting the divider in the middle of the room. It also serves to display stuff that I like. Nothing spectacular lar..but at least it feels lyke home..Somewhere I can hide from the world; ignore the screams from my mum. Wahaha. hmph..now wats missing are

  1. A bed platform and a nice thick mattress
  2. Shelves on the wall(reconsidering tt one becoz of the more than sufficient space on the cupboards and divider),
  3. A vintage phone!!! to hang on the wall beside my bed
  4. Pictures on the walls (of Melvin and me!!! and of course mummy dear lar! haha)
  5. A hanging rack to allow me to hang up my necklaces and clothes
  6. A nice clock( trying to look for a chalkboard one)
  7. and not forgetting the HUGE LCD TV!!!

Hehe..can't wait..Then my room will become lyke a home cinema!!! cool bengz.. Don't worrie..I'll show you the end product after everything is ensembled orite. *mUackz*

Mechanics of Life

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· Posted by Sihan at
Sigh...life and its drudgeries... Yesterday nite my mum mentioned taking the chance to travel whilst I had the opportunity to, which was the time before I got to work. My response was kind of cold, distant, perhaps due to the lack of travelling buddies or perhaps I just was not interested. *pondering* Nah..think its the former. Who wouldn't to have a chance to travel..enjoying the sights, sounds and cultural experiences from every corner of the world? To sit on top of a quiet hill, the chilling wind blowing through your hair, the mist..mystical as it is, floating like a blanket of low lying clouds across your vision. The sunset casting a orange glow across the land, basking the green pastures in warmth that touches deep into your soul. Serenity in all its magnificance before your eyes, nothing but silence and the whispering of the wind. Often I do dream of whisking myself away to a place like that. A place where I can forget all my worries, where I can put my thoughts all together and muster the strength to live another day.

LIfe may seem treacherous and maybe cruel sometimes but I guess its all in the eyes of the beholder. If one chooses to face it with courage and valor as well as well as a cheery presence then all things would be well. Life can be simple, its just how we look at it. I wish I could see life that way; then perhaps I would live a much happier life, and possibly inject a little bit of sunshine into the lives of people around me...

Anyway, here's a song that I reallie love. The lyrics are reallie meaningful... It tells us that life is much more than the material things in it..its about family, love, facing challenges and learning from it. Its so true yet difficult to fulfill... Nonetheless, enjoy!

Stacie Orrico -- So Simple

Don't need high heels
For a good feel
You can keep the fancy clothes
I'll take walkin in the rain
Over things materia
lI'll trade Melrose and the big names
Give me faces that I know
Just play a melody that everybody knows
Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

CHORUS:True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free(so simple, so simple, simple)
Give me wisdom, plain and truthful
Teach me somethin I don't know
Plain as education, inspiration I suppose (yeah yeah)
Give me family, on a Sunday
And I'll be just fine
There's nothing in the world
That's worth more of my time
Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more
-CHORUS x2-

Livin my dream, is my song to the world(let 'em hear it)
Sharin' my soul and spirit
I'm hopin that you hear it
Got one life to live
It's only what you make it
Every new day's a chance worth takin
-CHORUS x2-

Day 14

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· Posted by Sihan at
My gosh..think i'm going absolutely bonkers. Its just another day without you beside me. I didn't think it would affect me tat much. But in fact, it is..all i can think of is your warm embrace, how i long for ur comforting hugs.. Staring into space dreaming tt u're here with me. But you're so far away. Its cruel how we just got together and then u leave me almost immediately.. its plain torture to be true. Sigh..How i wish time cld past faster till the day were back together again...I try to be strong, try to not let my real feelings show when we're toking over the phone. Will you think me weak if i tremble in the loneliness of the night?
Sometimes i wonder whether u'll get tired of saying ' i love you' to each other. Will it become a way of life, a mandatory statement to end off every conversation? taken forgranted? I hope not..but i can be assured tt it won't be true for now... I miss you...too much.
Went out with my hockey gurlfrens on Sun to celebrate flamingo's ( Regina) 20th Birthday. We had so much fun just fooling ard and catching up at TCC at Cine. Reallie miss the old days. Kinda scary how age catches up with you. It seems just lyke moments ago that we were playing..frolicking under the sun practising our hits on the make-shift hockey pitch back on our skool track. Haha. Now we're all grown up..but still in denial of our added maturity!!!! look at the pics..u'll understand why (shucks something wrong..nvm..i'll upload the rest next time!)... haha.
Reallie miss you gals a whole lot. Grateful to have so u bunch of crazy monkeys in jc. otherwise life in njc would have been SOOOO BORING!!! haha. yep..*HuGZ*
oh yeh..got my haircut! wanna see? farnie rite..the hairdresser was lyke 'wah! so cute!' how embarrassing, as though I'm an old hag trying to
act young. Gosh!!! Haha..
oritey..thats about all for this entry though. Realised tt i've been rather lazy.. Hehe. Promise i'll update more orite..But gotta get back to work for now..(yar rite!!!)
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