you've got my temperature rising like el-nino... Damm thermo..THank god the paper is tmr. *tee hee*. cldn't bear this dragging on any longer. haha.

cldn't resist the urge of whipping out my whisk and spatula today. SO i made this..specially for mummy dear. Just a simple snack whipped up in the shortest time possible... not to mention minimal mess in the kitchen!

Mini Blueberry Sponge rolls with Blueberrys and cream sandwiched btw a rolled up sheet of thin sponge. *yumz*... the combination was as my mum described ' a match made in heaven'.

Heard this song on the radio last night and totally melted when i heard Brian Mcknight's voice ... if i could describe it, it was lyke velvety chocolate sliding down the back of ur throat.. ahhh... oh-so-smooth. Somehow i was also captivated by the lyrics for certain reason. So here's sharing with u guys, Brian Mcknight's '6,8,12'

do you ever think about me,

do you ever cry yourself to sleep.

in the middle of the night when u awake,

are you calling out for me?

Do you reminisce?

I can't believe i'm acting lyke this.

Knoe its crazy.

HOw i still can feel you lips.



now i understand why i had never enjoyed afternoon naps.. took one this afternoon. Not because i wanted to but becoz i had to. Kinda brain dead after the whole morning of consecutive tuition sessions and wasn't reallie ready to start work in tt state of mind. So squeezed myself in btw my bro and my mum on the masterbed to take a quick nap. Erm.. a quick nap tt amounted to a full blown hour+ of sleep. ARGH... worst of all, I woke up feeling reallie NUA... like super duper listless. I hated tt feeling, a sense of weakness and helplessness, even dragging myself out of bed was a chore. Gosh.. Now i finally come to realisation why i never enjoyed taking afternoon naps. Haha.

Just recieved a request from a little gurl to have a private baking session with. Haha.. how cute is tt. Not tt i wld mind a little gurl sticking her icky little fingers into my batter/ dough as i baked. Haha. Its not as if i'm all tt tidy either... Tee hee. Lets just say i have very little patience for intolerable behaviour. Wish I was better with kids though. But oh too bad, never had the magical charm around children. haha. However, if it cld make a kid's day, then why not? haha. It wld be ultra fun to bake some delicious chocolate chip cookies as well. Haha.

********************************************** i have to get to work.. Don't wanna be caught dead at the examination hall with a blank script.. *bleah*. Ciao boys...

satine beauty


guess i've finally satisfied my baking urges. white chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal banana muffins, a blueberry cheesecake (for orders sake) and lastly my newest creation, CRAZY/BEAUTIFUL. It is my third attempt at finding tt perfect chocolate cake (sometimes i wish i had tt determination in my studies.. haha). However this is a little different from the previous attempts, it is actually a black chocolate expresso cake with a satiny chocolate glaze. As captivating as it sounds, its looks tell otherwise. I have named this cake as such as i feel tt underneath its mediocre, non-fanciful surface, lies something magical, divine. U ask me how wld i knoe if i've not taken a bite of the cake. Trust me, i knoe something good from something bad.. and right now i see potential in this one. As it was baking away in the oven, the lovely strong aroma of coffee was evident, thus its name the expresso cake. The pairing of coffee and chocolate in dessert are uncommon; but in this cake, the magical union of the pair has sworn them to a delectable relationship lasting many ages.

I think this is it.. this is the one...

or will it be? stay tuned for the responses...

so what?

mishap.. my bad...
so what if others said the paper was much easier than previous years and I on the other hand met with several problems with the sums? so what if stand a chance of da pao-ing this subject this semester? I reallie dun care...

Problem is, after some soul-searching, i realised it mattered to me tt i had failed. Being a hardcore perfectionist in my earlier days, it is hard to believe tt my standards have dropped by miles since those times. Neither can i adhere to a tight schedule, nor can i persuade myself to work towards goals that are know are beneficial to me. I have lost myself.. to a world of sloth and torpidness.. and worst thing is tt i've got no one to blame but myself... Try as i might to push the blame to my lack of concentration due to certain recent affairs in my life. I realised tt i've let myself down majorly. Looking ard, the only person suffering is me. The guilt in me rises to a new level, sinister and terrifying...

How do i pick myself up again?

I am all alone and afraid,

with my oven and my buddy and me-e-e



decided to drop a post before i headed for the shower... its night again. Once again.. I'll let the night and its black hole consume me. Feels kinda strange tonight... Was riding on an endorphin high just now, probably due to the recent caffeine ingestion. But it died down pretty quickly. Guess i shld have rationed tt extra boost a little more cleverly...

So the cooling night.. is just perfect for tuning into some ColdPlay... the one song tt describes my mood now is 'Trouble'... here's a little snippet from the song.

O no, I see, I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
O no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
O no, I never meant to do you harm.

Its nice..the blue-si-ness of the song... and the subtle intensity of the emotions involved. Kinda lazy..and slow moving..exactly like how i am feeling now.

Just 8 hours to the next paper...

yet if i cld lay all my thoughts on a sheet of paper right at this very moment...

it wld be blank.

the mini-s


Introducing to you.. the Mini-s!!!

Now you can have ur cakes without having to worrie about storing the excess getting sick of eating a certain flavour. My cakes are now offered in 6" (now thats reallie small) haha.

So we've got my Chocolate Cake, conjured using a new recipe that i tweaked and combined from several others. and my Oreo Cheesecake. The Simple, delightful Chocolate Cake is covered with a layer of chocolate favoured buttercream and splashed with tiny doses of white chocolate icing. Now thats a real treat for the chocolate lover... haha. The Oreo Cheesecake on the other hand may not be aesthetically pleasing. But trust me, it sure packs a punch. Imagine Chunky pieces of Oreo cookies in a rich slice of Cheesecake on a buttery Oreo biscuit base. *yumz*

kk. i think tt shld be all for the night. This is Sihan signing out...

chocolate cake for a little gurl

Chocolate Cake for a little gurl

halfway through. I can only heave a sigh of relief. that leaves 3 more papers till the end 3rd May.. which seems soo far away given that time passes by at snail's pace now a days.

Finally done with aero materials paper today. Thank goodness I haven't decided to take up the material sciences course in NUS. Can just imagine all my brain cells constricting from the exertion of having to squeeze in all those facts. Guess today's paper was quite odd in sense tt our reading materials were very wordy as compared to the usual mathematical and formulae style of learning tt we've adopted ever since we entered this course. Memorisation and regurgitation of the facts was a thing of the past. However it was brought to life in this paper. and obviously I had lost my skills in that area.. haha. BUt overall, it was okie. I have no expectations whatsoever for this paper..we'll just have to wait for the results don't we?

So now, I'm back at home... with my freshly baked chocolate cake in the fridge. No touching tt one either since its for a customer tommorrow. Its ordered by a mum for her little gurl. That i find brings back many memories to me. Fuzzy warm memories. I recall tt my mum once bought a reallie gorgeous chocolate cake for my birthday when i was little. Not tt it was the best cake in the world or anything. But I was contented... it was not just a cake. It was a gift of love, something warm that touched deeply into my soul. That's what baking is about, it ain't about the end product, its about the memories and emotions connected to the cake that should be the highlight... and tts what i strive to do in my baking.. leave warm and beautiful memories for the people who savour my make a difference...

addicted to caffeine

The Power of the Murky Black Waters

Its 5.15pm and I just had my first coffee of the day. Tried denying the warm advances of coffee the entire day. Well, who am i trying to kid? Silly me. By mid afternoon, I was lethargic and tired beyond words. Guess my over reliance on my daily dose of caffeine is evident. *Yawnz*.. lets just put down my defences and submit myself to that warm steamy cup of coffee on a rainy afternoon. *purr*.. tee hee.

Now thats much better..'ahhhhh'

Sometimes i wonder whether coffee's hold over me is just mental or something truly physical...

anyway here are more photos of the hideous cake... *argh*..makes me depressed just thinking about it.

Oh yesh, I must mention that Samuel, leader of the 'teh' gang has released a compiled list of 20 of his favourite Mariah Carey songs on his blog. Of course this is done strategically, released in batches. The songs are accomplanied by a slew of honest remarks and reflections regarding the songs. Being someone who likes Mariah Carey as well, I thought it would be nice to share this link with u guys. And Sam, perhaps i'll compile a list with you. I'm sure our top 3 hits will tally. haha.

स्तिच्क्य चेव्य chocolate


yet another failed attempt. I shall be more forgiving this time as apparently, as i have expected.. it is VERY VERY difficult to master the techniques to producing the moist and most devilicious chocolate cake. SIgh.. Mine turned out to be more lyke 'sticky chewy chocolate' instead of a cake. Haha. Well certainly spells in my face tt something is MAJORLY wrong with whatever i'm doing. haha. gotta get tt right now dun we. So i have officially pronounced this as Chocolate Cake Season. Warning to all my beloved friends and family, pls be prepared to endure chocolate-y affairs as i alter and fix my recipes in my attempt to produce the more luscious and to-die-for chocolate cake. hehe. FOr me, its going to be a 'cocoa high'. haha

For viewing purposes only, here are pictures of the cake I did for Melvin's Dad's Bdae. Sorrie for the sub-standard cake mel.

for a simple breakdown of the things going down under. It is bascially a rich chocolate cake layered and smeared with fresh banana buttercream and topped off with a layer of dark chocolate ganache. Sprinked down with toasted almonds down the sides.
Guess we;ve got to tame the ambitiousness and not slice the cake into too many layers. That wld help to lessen the risk of the cake collapsing during assembly. Plus, reckon something is wrong with the baking time. This has 2 be fine-tuned...

busy bee

BuSy BeE...

*phew* some more good news for u guys.. Orders have sprung up to 7 cakes overnight!!! haha.. NOw this sure is a cheesy business. Tee Hee.. THanks Mummy for being such a good promotor. haha. and a million thanks going out to all her colleagues for their lovely compliments.. Sure works well as moral boosters... *smilez*

oh's the picture of the Lemon Rind Butter Cake from yesterday. *yummy* Just love the smell of lemon... Tee hee

Gosh..think i'm becoming more of a food blogger than just a normal blogger already. Is tt a bad thing? sorrie for making u salivate Kor.. is it similar to the case when u dislocated ur jaw and had to hold a towel to ur chin to stop urself from choking on ur own saliva? *tee hee*... woopsie... forgive me. I still want my MORE POWERFUL oven! haha.

orders orders and more orders


Bake sale are officially on. *woopee*..anyone interested in ordering cakes? just let me knoe at least 3 days in advance... Cakes for sale are those i previously featured on my blog, these include
  1. Oreo Cheesecake
  2. Blueberry Cheesecake
  3. Bailey's Cheesecake with Chocolate Crust
  4. Lemon Rind Butter Cake
  5. 'Sans toi' brownie Cupcake
  6. Oatmeal Banana Cupcakes with Cream Cheese frosting
  7. Oreo Cupcakes

All buyers will be informed of the prices upon confirming orders with me.

Since this a close circle form of baking.. transaction shld be relatively simple. Haha. Yep. Just inform me of ur interest. Sms me at 96169609 or email me at if you have the slightest interest or any enquires involving the orders. And i'm sure we'll be able to work something out. *=)*

smooth first date

Smooth First Date

i had a smooth first date with... today.

I was just lyke a bride on her night of consummation. Think, the nervousness and anxiety as she awaits the final moment. The beginning actually... haha...

Yeh..too bad it ain't any consummation but the exams actually. *bleah*..first paper went down smoothly, tt leaves me just 5 more to go. WOAH. haha..

Got 2 pieces of good news today. Firstly, I've gotten ANOTHER tuition deal. haha.. nothing to scabby considering the location isn't far off from where i live. Oh well.. secondly, I've got my first two customers just yet!!! haha.. well guess the blueberry cheesecake i decided to bake for mummy paid off. Her colleagues raved and loved it! haha..comparing me to the 'lao jiao' Mary. haha. Oh well.. its just great! never felt so exhilarated before. Too much endorphins being released at my synapses now. God..gotta stop thinking about Bio. argh. haha. So i'm on the road now! yeah... Oh, and my lemon butter cake went down well with the church pple today. (will upload some pics soon.) Took it upon myself to bake a cake tt was sorta 'reserved' by Auntie Caiyun for her bdae. So i did. I must say..i love lemon.. and i thought the lemon butter icing was luscious..too bad i didn't get a taste of it. Well, look on the bright side, at least i get nice smelling hands.. haha

So it was studying and 2 cakes fresh from the oven in a matter of 12 hrs. Time to give myself a break... *aHhh* ...Wait a min... there's still aero tmr. Can't believe tt slipped my mind. *acting blur*

forgetfulness boils in me

Here you go...

forgotten to attach the photos of the cake i baked for the church bdae boys ytd. HEre's a brief description for the cake: Fresh Cream sandwiched between layers of delicate Butter Cake. Smothered in Rich White Chocolate Glaze and topped off with Beautiful Strawberries. Get ready for a collision of the senses.

It's already 3am and here i am stuck reading some stupid notes about how dear mister falkner Skan decided that he was going to think too much and come up with some stupid theory.. GOd..i'm not going to profess my love for u..neither am i going to hate u for being the brilliant ass of a genius u are.. lets accept it. Some people just inherit all the clever genes whilst some don't (thats me *bleah*).

oh..just realise i love the date today.16th April..its nice. Dun knoe why... just pleasant.
I can’t believe its only 2 days to the start of my papers and another 3 more weeks to the end of all my misery. Haha. For the sem at least. Well.. time sure catches up with u when u least expect it. Haha.

Just had dinner with my family at Blooie’s Roadhouse where I went with accompanied with my friends Lin Sui and Catherine during the hols, It is a pretty nice place with a laidback atmosphere. The grub they offer there are the standard pub food that u’ll get. Burgers, chips, onion rings.. But I must say tt their food is rather good. I had the Black pepper chicken which was tender beyond words and grilled to perfection. It was topped with the most glorious of sauces, portabello mushroom sauce which perfectly displayed the freshness and the natural taste of the mushroom. Being a big fan of mushrooms on the whole, I immediately took a strong liking to the sauce. Accompanied with my trusty pint of hoegarden..the meal was beyond perfect. In order to satisfy our sweet palate, we ran across the road to the gourmet deli and took away a piece of lavender cheesecake. Think.. gosh..what an intriguing combination of flavours.. the exotic yet appeasing scent of lavender incorporated into the rich and dense cheesecake. For me, it was a very successful combination that provoked the senses and tantalized the tastebuds. Upon the first bite, I tasted a bunch of spices that included Nutmeg, a slight hint of Cinammon and a strong dose of Ginger that really helped to set the cheesecake apart from the usual ones offer at cafes. Divinity in the form of a cake… *Yumz*

Baked a cake for two birthday boys today in church. Though it was generally meant for one initially, but nvm..the more the merrier! Haha.. so there it was…my strawberries and cream cake.

take a look at me now

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me,when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space
But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face

Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now

Against all odds -- Phil Collins

friday the 13th

btw... its FRIDAY the 13th!!! *MUAHAH*

thoughts of the simple-minded

Simple minded thoughts

How often do we actually evaluate our thoughts on a daily basis? For example, what goes through our mind as we step out of the house? see a cute chick/dude in the mrt? walk down the street?... our thoughts can be so silly and shallow sometimes.. . It can be kinda amusing and sometimes extremely enlightening to take a step back and reflect on those thoughts. haha...

so here's a list of reallie simple-minded thoughts that i generated during a short train ride yesterday.

(situation: the train was travelling underground and revibrations in the tunnel made the noise level excrutiating)
" those women have to shout. Whats the point of talking if the noise level is so high? might as well save the effort for a easier conversation when the train comes to a stop right? silly"

"woah.. that gurl has nice legs. Pity she doesn't knoe how to dress to show her pins off. Hmph, I wonder why do i only knoe how how to criticise others... perhaps its easier from a third person's point of view. Well..its not like i have nice legs to flaunt. Maybe i'm just jealous *sniggers*"

(situation: coming out of the tunnel)
"oh my gosh! the mini cooper is damm cute lar! i wan one for my own!"

"wah..China man in front of me.. Bai3-ing pose.. So gross."

"why tt ang moh guy have to tok so loud? its not like he's the only one in the carriage?"

So as u can see i am enlightened.. all my thought are generally CRAP!!! Conclusion: my brain is mash.

THank you.

afternoon tidbits part 2

so basically.. i was saying..aren't the lyrics tts what its lyke to fall in love. To feel insecure, vulnerable, susceptible...

kk.. song aside.. Guess who called just now? Daddy from the airport! haha. AND we've got Chivas and Bacardi in da hse!!! haha. gonna cook up a storm in the kitchen AFTER the exams tt is. haha. If anything good may come out of my experimentation with Ginger Ale and Chivas in my baking... I'll have to dedicate all these to Zhiheng! haha... it was his 'brilliant' suggestion yeh. haha. Let just hope something works out. Tee hee...

*Sigh*..exams are less than a week away. Beginning to feel the strain eating away at me. *bleah*..perhaps this is why i've been feeling extremely tired these few days. wldn't it be heaven if we cld just sleep 24/7? gosh..

Orite Folks..tts just a brief post. Gotta leave now to attend to my studies. Oh reminds me.. the photo of the Blueberry Cheesecake. Turns out tt it was good after all..*PHEW*

afternoon tidbits

a little afternoon tidbits for the soul...

just to share some of my inner thought this very gloomy afternoon.

being playing Bryan Adam's song repeatedly after hearinf it one fine night on the radio. His husky voice, and latino feel to the whole song puts me at ease and adds to the whole ambience of the song. " Have you really loved a woman".. for the benefit of those who haven't heard it yet. here is a short clip of the lyrics

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell herthat it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really- really really ever loved a woman?


Pictures of my little ones... the 'jaded' cupcakes

Green Tea Cupcakes covered with a dollop of green-tea flavoured infused Cream Cheese Frosting...

Sad to didn't quite work out. *sigh* nvm..experiments are bound to be met with failures right? I'll just have to do a bit more research... soon it'll be back in full form! Ready to conquer the hearts and minds of even the most hardcore Green-Tea haters... *RAWR!!!*

Stay tuned...

the midnight baker

The MiDniGht BaKeR

with me and my trusty oven..i will make it through the lonely night. haha...

Fresh from the oven.. we have:
  1. Luscious Baked Cheese Cake topped off with a generous serving of Blueberries (pictures to be uploaded soon)
  2. Green tea Cupcakes with green-tea infused Cream Cheese Frosting

Verdict: the former turned out fantastic, especially after i heeded advice and adopted the water bath method which resulted in a smoother and more thoroughly cooked cheesecake. *Yumz*.. too bad for mummy... *pointing fingers*..she's the one tt promised shi mu (a.k.a my church's pastor's wife) tt i'll be baking a cheesecake for her soon. *pengz* Wait a min, since when was it up to you to make the decisions? i'm the one doing the baking and majority of the paying. *bleah*.. haha kidding. Gotta quit throwing silly tantrums, moreover, i derieve pleasure from it dun i. So its a win-win situation? hehe.

The latter on the other hand was more of a flop. Despite its seductive appearance.. the cupcake base turned out not as well as i had expected it to. Perhaps it was the night working its dark magic but somehow or another i must have got the ratio of ingredients wrong somewhere down the line. Hence ending up with a batter of weird consistency... *damm* i should have noticed something was wrong when i started off with too dry a batter. Argh. Nvm.. i promise to work on it k? I'm sure a little more research and trial and error, I will be able to derive the bestest, most delectable green tea cupcake! Watch and wait guys..

tuition maniac

Tuition Maniac

Besides catching the cupcake fever.. i've also fallen ill with the tuition maniac. GOsh.. i mean 5 students?!? with the exams so close by. Its just crazy yar... haha. But it serves as a good break away from the rather strenous studying. haha. Not like cracking my head over complex numbers, and trying to impart my 'well-dusted' knowledge of jc2 maths is any good for me yar.. But at least its a change from the monotony yar. hehe.

So.. my first student of the day.. wasn't too bad by my opinion... a reallie quiet little sec 1 gurl.. Bright beyond her years.. And upon careful observation, I noticed tt she had a uncanny habit of solving her sums in rather abstract manner. Something tt i rarely observe in the rigidness of our education system. Definitely study material in the making. As for her sister, a NJC 2nd year student, she's undoubtly much more outspoken then her sis and possesed a unusual skill of enchantment.. haha..meaning tt her frequent calls for 'teacher, teacher' often manages to draw me away from the simplicity of the former's maths sums to dwell into the deeper and darker world of jc2 maths (something tt i haven't touched in quite some time. haha) But nonetheless, a challenge is always a good one. hehe.

my second student is a normal streamed sec 5 gurl taking her 'o's this year. Funny, but i see much potential in her. Her dreams to enter poly for a shot at the tourism course is one tt urges me to help her. FOr only someone with goals is driven to achieve these aims through hardwork...

So tts about it for today. Now ive gotta get back to work..and perhaps a little kitchen action later at night. haha. Perhaps I should be nicknamed the midnight-baker. *Bleah*

high and dry

'Sans Toi' Brownie Cupcakes

feeling high and dry... just feeling a tad odd. Anyway tried my luck with another candidate for my online sales. It here's introducing to you..

'Sans Toi' Brownie Cupcakes which translates into 'without you' in French... perfectly describing my feelings of loss. Both for my phone and for someone special...

I have decided to henceforth start naming my creations after my emotions.. tt wldn't be much a problem since my emotions vary widely on a large scale. Ecstatic for one moment and caught in an aggressive emotional struggle the next. It would be interesting too since I can relate to history of my creation and feel the emotion i was going thru whilst in the process of baking... haha. I'm going berserk..

Meanwhile, plans for online bake sales are still formulating...


as my fren says..'karma is never immediate'.

I lost my phone yesterday!!! *boo hoo* Anybody who has seen a sony ericcson w850i with a tiny scratch at the bottom pls let me knoe k? I guess i have no one to blame but myself, in a moment of rush, i left my dear beloved in the toilet. Worst of all, left in right in the open. By the time i realise I didn't have it beside me anymore, it was too late. Rushing back to the toilet, all the way from the south spine to the north wasn't going to save the situation. The fact was it was already gone... stolen by some bloody bitch without any sympathy. Damm...

Now i'm at such a loss... with the few very impt msges in my phone not available to me now. What am i to do? this is so shit-ty-fied... so much for returning a wallet i found a few months back to its rightful owner. Even if it was loaded with cash, approximately $400, it didn't occur to me to even take any of it. not to mention the new blackberry i found at the gym previously which i took the effort to return to the loving hands of its owner as well... KARMA, *bah*.. WHAT THE HELL!

needless to say..i'm just reallie reallie sad.. no words to express my feelings...

p.s. to that bloody bitch who stole my phone: I hope you have a happie life with my hp... bitch...

taking a break

Crunch Time

Hey all... guess its about time i called a break from all this blogging... Exams are fast approaching and dooms day is scheduled for 16 April (tts when my first paper starts yar?).. so its reallie crunch time for me considering tt i've been less than attentive during the semester. So..its reallie back to work... gotta push myself reallie hard if i dun wanna da pao any modules this semester. *sigh*

my only motivation...

baking!!! haha...

When will i go back to my favourite hobby of all time??? so many big plans, lessons to attend.. new skills to acqire!!! Its gonna be love... Perhaps i shld enrol myself into the Culinary Institute of America after i graduate.. haha. *dreaming* bleah.. but now..its back to the books. *groanz*


this song has been playing continously in my head... though i heard it ages ago (when i was in my teens) never occured to me that the lyrics were so beautiful. Sincere, touching and yet analytical all at the same time.

presenting to you...
Butterfly -- Mariah Carey

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imaged I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And watch you rise

i'm losing it..

I'm losing it...

One sentence was enough to send tears rolling down my cheeks. Why shld it even bother me tt u're seeing others when we're already no longer together?

However hard i try to convince myself tt its okay.. deep down inside, i knoe its not. I'm not feeling alright at least... All this while, i'm been burying myself in work, numbing myself to the heartache, but it's all just a facade, a mask i put on to protect myself. Now, i'm broken, torn down to the core... where the thorns have pierced deep into my soul. How can i let go when what we had was so beautiful? How i can forget the past tt i knoe will haunt me forever? Rising suspicions, too much for me to handle. Have I never been good enough? Have I been kept in the dark all this while? Why? No more words, I just bury my head in my lap and cry.

silly me.. stupid gurl....