dun resent me

Emotional Crisis

Feeling slightly depressed now. Perhaps it was the lashing i got from my mum just now. or perhaps its just the exam period doing its mojo on me. Watever it is, business still carries on. Finally got some orders after a approximate 2 week stall. Nobody wants cakes during exam period... *sigh*. well, at least my luck turned for the better. Churned out my signature blueberry cheesecake and cappuccino cupcakes for order after the worst paper i had ever sat for in aero history. But oh well, tts a whole different story altogether...thank goodness i've got the colors to cheer me up. Happy Birthday Junkai Jin Kai ( its reallie my bad tt i got it wrong...)

Lately I haven’t been feeling myself. Constantly surrounded by a cloud of surreal warm fluffiness. Love I thought was the remedy to everything. I thought that by surrounding myself in companionship, sweet things all days that I could run away from the person that I am.

~ The deep dark menacing shadow that lurks within. These few weeks while I attended meticulously to deeds of love and spending time with someone. I had neglected him. Thrown him to a corner where he stomped his feet, flinged his arms against the iron walls that I had built around him. Now, he has set him free, with a stroke of luck, a crack appeared in the walls of his prison. He crawled thru, willing himself to seek vengeance. Now I’m at his bidding, I have become it.
My heart has returned to its state of constant doubt and anger. I know that I can never enjoy another night of peaceful sleep without the constant fear of death sneaking up from behind. The magic spell has lost its magical effect, the force-field of charm broken down and engulfed by a sea of fury and rage. Victimized, I think too much, worry too much and frown too much.

I know I cannot rise up to expectations of the many people around me. I have used you, used your happiness to chase away the blues. Now it pushes me away. Repels me like two opposite poles of a magnet would. I no longer wanna immerse myself in a surreal world, to suppress my sad thoughts. I need to find myself again…

to tt person: I have no idea why u said tt i'm being unfair coz i ain't. I've tried my best already. But somehow it isn't good enough for you. I've never been perfect and neither have you. So don't make me feel any more like shit than i already am feeling. perhaps u're nonchalent to this, but everything you say to me has a very big impact. So if u say I'm not good enough, then in my heart, I've detoriated to the status of the scum of the earth. Strong on the surface, it hurts like hell inside. Just gotta let it off my chest. i can't be who you are...

colors fade to grey...

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